We find first love and get married and then live a satisfying sexuality period. Thereafter, the frequency of our sexual activity decreases – it can even happen that we fully disposals made love your husband turns his back to bed. You are lying beside her, wishing he keeps quiet and asking if it is normal. Time passes. You start to look at other men. You are planning to leave, but finally choose to stay. After all, it’s still your best friend and your relationship has blossomed in many ways. Are you happy though?
Without sex marriages are more common as you might think, and many of them are happy unions. You form may be one of those couples and the fact of not having sex is not necessarily a problem for you.
Stop! You say maybe … Sexual relations are they not the evidence to determine whether a relationship is fulfilling? For a specialist sex and relationships, a negative answer might seem heresy while it is not necessarily.
As a psychologist and sexologist, I talk with people their sex life, difficult subject, even taboo. I always say that when couples do not agree about their sex lives, this can cause problems. It is important to discuss any disagreements and whether you want both that sexual passion is a priority. However, in my experience, I can say that if people are ashamed to talk about their sex lives, they are even more reluctant to admit that they have no sex life … and they are doing well in. Thus, for some couples, sexual activity is not important and should therefore stop to worry about it.
We must question the notion of “normality”.
A sexless marriage is no single definition. For some experts, an asexual union is in the total absence of relationships within a 10 year relationship. Researchers estimate that 10% to 20% of North American couples are completely asexual. In fact, it is difficult to accurately estimate the number of satisfied couples who have little or no sex because, as pointed out by the sex therapist Bianca Rucker Vancouver, experts agree that people dissatisfied. As part of my practice, I have treated couples of all ages who had not had sex for a year, several years or even decades.
We must admit that we live in a world where we want everything right away (or better yesterday): love, sex, great kids, meaningful employment and body that remains eternally farm. The company is harassing us by presenting us with imagery of a sexual nature, convincing we unconsciously all other copulate like rabbits and we are failures if we are different. But think a little. Originally, the sexual activities were a game for young whose purpose is procreation and pleasure and were replaced by other activities while people were getting older. In fact, it is normal that over time, the sexual appetite decreases.
Couples who are seeking help to solve a problem of lack of sex believe they want to maintain sexual passion. Yet some are not for the passion because they believe they are “supposed” to be desired. If you have little or no sex with your partner, ask you if you want to make changes to your situation. Perhaps is it not. I often encounter patients who are relieved to learn that having a very intense sexual life is not necessarily a problem.
Whether married or single, some people have a low libido; they may wish to change things or live with it perfectly. Is a low sex drive but a psychological disorder to be solved? According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, sexual in appetence is a disorder. However, according to experts in the field, one should not speak of trouble until the problem that causes distress or disturbance. In other words, if your low libido does not bother you, whether you are single or living with someone who accepts the situation, you do not have a problem. Most people who leave sexual activity, however, continue to to experience healthy and typical human needs in terms of contact, hugs and intimate emotional ties; they just do not associate sexual activity happiness.
If sexual activity for your couple is very intense, you are part of one of the following three categories:
- You both want to wake up your libido.
If you both want that sexual activity be again part of your relationship, it is possible to regain the passion with the help of a therapist. It is important to understand that it will be difficult, though not impossible, to revive the passion after a long period of sexual abstinence. To start the process, you might want to consider your sexual life as a hobby and you make time for love. If the solution can be simple for some (a couple I worked with decided to put a lock on the door of his room and found that they were much more daring with the assurance that their children could not surprise them! ), for others, maybe it will take a year of exploration to rekindle the flame of desire.
- One of the partners of your relationship suffers from abstinence.
If you are satisfied with the situation, it is important to check with your partner if it is the same. Talk about smooth. Once the taboo on the table, if you decide by mutual agreement to keep things as they are, the thorny question may remain or be tamed. While it is possible that one of you sometimes suffer from the situation, you also realize that your marriage provides you both a lot of benefits. In other words, make love and have a good relationship does not necessarily go hand in hand and you can decide that virtually abstinence or abstinence, is a compromise to a very fulfilling partnership in many other ways . If one of you admits that he lacks the intimate contact, you will need to find alternatives to sex to overcome the problem. For example, are you trying to get closer and get yourself another physical pleasure? I worked with a couple whose partners were each massage to create a physical link.
- Abstinence does not cause you any problems both.
You belong to the third category if the fact of not having sex is not a major problem for both of you. Your libido naturally weakened with time or perhaps have you never been very attracted to your partner sexually. After all, people unite for many complex reasons, not only for making love.