Roommate Rivalry: When You’re Both Into Him

It’s very hit or miss when you’re assigned your college roommate freshman year. Before the days of social media, it was usually a total surprise. However, in this day and age, you can instantly learn everything about the person you’re about to be sharing a room with by scanning their Facebook photos, checking out their Twitter posts or reading their personal blog.

Hopefully, you like what you see. My condolences if you don’t. I got lucky and roomed with another girl on our soccer team when I was a freshman at UPenn. We got along instantly and had some pretty crazy adventures together during our first year. We continued to make memories as we chose to room together the next year too, though thankfully we got to have our own rooms. No matter how well you get along with someone, it’s no fun cohabiting in what used to be the size of your closet. Good luck class of 2016.
But harmony in the habitat can fade quickly, between even the most compatible people, when introduced to conflict. Especially when it’s about a boy.

Maybe you’re at a party and both lock eyes with him at the same time. Or maybe you have separate conversations throughout the night. You might not even notice at first that he might be into her too, or worse, instead of you. In another scenario, let’s say your roommate has met a guy and lets you know he’ll be coming over to hang out in the room. No big deal, until he walks in and the butterflies begin to flutter.
It’s a tricky situation. You don’t want to deny your feelings, but you care about your friendship with your roommate and would never want to do anything to betray her trust.

I had a similar situation my sophomore year. She wasn’t my roommate, but she was another player on the soccer team, so we were locker roommates. Close enough. We all would party and hang out with the men’s soccer team, especially on the one night during the season we both were allowed to go out and have a good time.

Talk about competition. Histories were written and then erased. Boundaries were drawn and then crossed. Very quickly I realized that there were no rules here to abide by and I did my best to stay out of all the drama involved.

Until one day I began talking with one of the guys on the team. Nothing serious just simple flirting and chat about hanging out. I then found out he was regularly hooking up with one of my teammates. In those situations, usually one of the parties has actual feelings and I didn’t want to complicate that exploration process. I ended up letting it go and doing nothing, realizing that a guy wasn’t worth potentially damaging my friendship with her. Wouldn’t carry over to the soccer field too well either.

Final words: the decision is yours. If you really like this guy and see a future, communicate with your roommate to see her thoughts. Maybe she’s just flirting and not serious about him. It may be a difficult conversation, but either way, it’s probably better to talk about the elephant in the room than ignore it.

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